Okay so this topic came up a while ago because one of my good friends from high school called me in a panic because she finally told her guy best friend that she wanted more. The funny thing is she found the balls to do it when she was intoxicated or what I like to call "sociably active". But she called me in a panic because she sent it via text and he never respond. She also said she found the balls to let this person know after talking with me that faithful day while I was grocery shopping with my mommy in Wal-Mart. She had called and asked for my advice. And when I spoke to her it was from my heart. Why? Because I to had been there and done that. Here's was my situation:
So I had know this guy for a while and our meeting was very unconventional. It was at a picnic for "Peoples Club" AKA rich Africans in Houston who love money, power and the glory. But I'm not hating because I love ever second of having my family apart of this wonderful snobbish organization. Anyway this guy was there we were both 14 or 15 not sure. But his family wasn't apart of the club and this was a private picnic. Basically long story short him and his group of friends ended up going at it with my sister and I and if you know my sister and I we talk a might game. But we decide to fall back but they wouldn't stop they kept going in. We even relocated to the gazebo to avoid them but no they continued. So it got so bad that I got my dad involved and then he got his ace you happened to be the president at the time in the mix. And when these to best friends get together you cant tell them they shit stank. Hell you can't tell them that when there by themselves also. So all hell breaks lose when the president ask "who are you parents" and This guys brother answer "get the hell out of my face" The president then slaps the boy in the face 3 times. I swear is could have happened in slow motion because it was like every time he slapped him his face turned back to the front for more. After that is was African Brawl Family style. So as hid group of friends are jumping stupid you could imagine the Nigerian men running over to help well NO. While the Nigerian men continued to cook and watch asking whats going on it was the women who thrower the bows hahaha. They were playing no games. Africans attack part 1,2, and 3. I remember the guy that need up being my friend later on, on the floor and I took my shoe off and started slapping him in the face with my shoe. So the end of the battle. Now fast-foward two years. I was at a student concil meeting with the gang and a group of boys pass by. We all was like "who is that" Cuz no lie those guys were fine as anything. Tall fine what more could you ask for. You knew they were new because after being at Hightower you know who is there all the fines and garbage bags! But these guys came back just to see who was in the room. I mean it was a classroom full of girls. At that moment I saw him and I though "ohh he's the finest" and as the guys left Twins and my sister freaked out. They all started yelling "OMG NGOZI THATS THE BOY THAT FOUGH YOUR BROTHER AT THE PICNIC." I couldn't believe I didn't recognize him. And I can swear on my life till this very moment I still don't recognize him as being at that picnic. This was the same guy I beat with my shoe in the face apparently, but I don't see it. Maybe I purposely blocked out the vents and that's why I have no recollection but I just don't. Now his brother yes I remember his face to well lol. But now the guy I thought was the cutest of them all was uglier than a rabid cat on steroids. The hate I felt for him during the picnic came back. Why because we got so much flack saying it was "my fault " that the fight occurred. So I hated him and he wanted nothing to do with me which was fine. The only problem was my best friend of 14 years today be friended him and now she and him were close. I didn't know what the hell to do. Her and I were literally sisters. People thought we were to because we were attached by the hip. Now I had to share her with Americas mosted hated in my eyes. No No No No if you know me I am very territorial. once your mine your mine and I refuse to have to share my things with people I don't want to. So instead of avoiding her when she was with him, I just went along pretending he nonexistent. Didn't work for long because a couple of months down the line he need up being my best friend and now him and I were two peas in a pod. We were always together nonstop. Have you seen love and basketball that was us only no love hahaha just the closeness in our friendship. I looked up to him for advice and guidance and he did the same. His passion, drive, and determination made me care about him even more. I had never been so close to a guy before him and I was glad and happy that I was. He would say shit that would piss me off but overall he was my ace and I was his. By all means there was no physical things going on just bestfriends I though for life. Even when people would say "Y'all getting married" we both would look at them and be like get the hell out of here. It was a mutual HELL NO.
But that all changed towards the end of our senior year in high school. I cannot lie, I started to look at him different. I wanted more much more. I hated that I felt that way because 1. we were friends and I didn't want to ruin that relationship with him 2.He had a women he thought he was going to marry(puppy love) 3. I was afraid of taking a chance. So time goes by and we graduate we both go our separate ways to college. Our relationship was strained just because we did have huge tiffs during the summer that broke us and I didn't think it would ever come back to being the same. We both said things that we might regret, but I know on my need being young, stupid, immature and basically the most played a huge part in my reaction towards him and the things I did to get even. (I have now asked for his forgiveness and he has accepted ). But basically we just were never the same after everything went down. We still spoke here and there but not like we use to.
But it was last summer on my birthday that I decide to write him this detailed ass text message because for some reason he kept popping up here and there in my life. Not purposely but we just kept crossing paths when I didn't think our paths were even on the same track. So on my birthday I told him everything. How I never felt that way about him before it was only 2 months before graduation that I started to feel this deeper connection wanting more blah blah blah. But I also added that I could never tell him because i was so afraid of him not feeling the same way that because I just poured my heart out he would slowly back out and not only would I have lots in the intimate friend department but I would have also lost my best friend. and that scared me the most, because I looked to him for strength like I would my older brother. I looked to him for guidance like he was my father, I looked to him for everything like he was my long lost twin. he knew how to calm me down, with him I was peaceful. I wasn't this loud obnoxious, in your face personality. I still was Ngozi but a softer side and I liked how he brought that out of me. So because of these things I thought that it need with him. So I pressed SEND on the text and there it went MY HEART and I was nervous as heck. But I never heard back. I think that hurt the most....the silence. till this day I don't know if he ever got the text because I later found out he did change his number. But I have never had the balls to ask.
So basically the questioned posed at the beginning of this was "should you tell your best friend that you want more" My answer after everything I have went through YES !!!!!!!!
You may think I am crazy but this is truly what I think, at the end of the day if you truly love this person deeply like I did then no matter if you say it or not the friendship will end or never be the same. Because as much as I wanted to keep this friendship with this person it hurt like hell to watch him with another girl. When I knew I should have been in that spot. So because I couldn't watch him with another person I knew it would only come to a halt in our friendship because If I can't be with him and I can't watch him with someone else I rather not be in the picture at all.
So if you are in the same possession as me, you have to ask yourself "Do I really see this person in my life forever to risk it all or do I only want them for the moment" I asked myself that and it paved the way for me comforting my feelings and expressing them.
You may ask do this person and I still speak...well thats for me to know
I hope this helps with anyone who's trying to decide what to do
Always
Ngozi Cameron
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